


Suffocating

by peachaspie



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Birthday, Disassociation, Drinking, Happy Birthday Kenma, I feel bad for writing this, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Panic Attacks, almost a panic attack, i hope this doesnt turn out shitty, im sorry, kenma gets lost, kenma gets scarred for life, kenma needs to get o u t, kuroo is kind of being ass at the beginning, party time, super tired rn, that escalated quickly, two hours late whoops, weed smells
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8304839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachaspie/pseuds/peachaspie
Summary: TW: drinking, anxiety, disassociation, and implied rape; ahhhh!!! i started writing this at 11:59 on Kenma's birthday. i hope this is good... its super late rn and im tired and idek what im doing with my life whoops. hope you hoes like it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> TW: drinking, anxiety, disassociation, and implied rape; ahhhh!!! i started writing this at 11:59 on Kenma's birthday. i hope this is good... its super late rn and im tired and idek what im doing with my life whoops. hope you hoes like it.

Kenma didn’t like his birthday. In fact, all of his friends liked it more than he did. Everyone viewed birthdays as a celebration, while Kenma saw it as a… ritual. Sure, he might eat some apple pie, but that was really it. And he regularly ate apple pies, so it wasn’t anything special. 

The setter had finally come to terms with the fact that other people loved his birthday, and that there was nothing he could do about it. But this year, he was nervous. This year was his eighteenth birthday. Kuroo had been waiting for this day since September started, and Kenma could recall Kuroo saying “alcohol” and “I have a dealer” when regarding the event. 

Kenma sighed as he rolled over in his bed to read the digital clock on his nightstand. It was nearly 12:30 already. Kuroo would be pissed if he knew Kenma was moping around in bed. His phone screen was constantly lighting up, but he hadn’t found the motivation to look at what people had sent him. Right when he had begun to reach for his phone, was when the door swung open. 

“I am pissed,” Kuroo’s voice announced as the man himself marched into the room. 

Shit. 

His best friend kicked aside the loose clothing in Kenma’s room, etching a path of uncovered carpet leading to Kenma’s bedside. “What the shit do you think you’re doing?” 

Kenma’s eyes flicked across Kuroo, examining him. His face looked like he was infinitely blushing, and he the smell of alcohol radiated off of him. “Why are you drunk at noon?” 

“I’ve had a rough day…” Kuroo started, his voice trailing off before he cleared his throat. “You need to get dressed.” 

“No.” 

Kuroo pulled at Kenma’s arm that had been hanging off the edge of the bed. “You have to. You need this day to be amazing.”

What Kenma really needed, was to lay down. The screaming/mumbling match he had with his mom over the phone the night before had been emotionally and mentally draining. “I…” He bit at his cheek. He didn’t want to say that. 

“Come on,” Kuroo tugged harder, and Kenma had to resist the urge to scream at him. He didn’t like how unstable his emotions were today; and he hoped he would be able to control them. The last thing Kenma wanted to do was inconvenience anyone. Too much conflict. 

Kuroo dropped Kenma’s arm and sat down on the floor, seemingly defeated. “Kenma,” he started, his voice cracking slightly, “I… I really need this, okay? I need you to come to this party I’ve been planning for fucking weeks, because…”  
Because you need an excuse to do drugs. “Fine.” 

“Thank you.” 

~

The event was held at some guy that Kenma didn’t know’s house. Kuroo described him as “chill” and “lit”. The sound of the bass was already killing his ears, and his anxiety was spiking just by looking at the place. It looked like a mansion of sorts. He could hear the splashing of a pool, and the drunken laughter of high-school students. Was this even a birthday party, because he didn’t recognize a single person?

“Uh, Kuroo?” Kenma asked, trying not to raise his voice. “Are we supposed to be here?” 

Kuroo gave him a flashy grin. “Of course, dude. Why would we be here?” 

The two strode--well Kuroo strode while Kenma tried to keep up--down the brick trail leading to the doors of the place, passing drunk girls who looked like they were having too much fun.

There was a guy at the entrance who nodded at Kuroo. Kenma was feeling sick. 

Inside the walls was a lot worse. Everyone seemed compacted in together and all Kenma wanted to do was leave, but Kuroo had gone to the trouble, and--

“Kenma?” Kuroo shouted over the music. “Want a drink?” 

Oh god, no. “Um, sure, I guess.” 

“Mkay, just, uh,” Kuroo scanned the area. He could easily since he was so tall. “Wait outside? By the pool?” 

Kenma nodded as he tried giving Kuroo a smile. It didn’t work, but Kuroo didn’t seem to notice. 

The thickness of the crowd made it hard to see an exit. Everywhere Kenma looked, there were people grinding against each other or chugging alcohol like there was no tomorrow. He was afraid to touch anyone. He was afraid he was going to suffocate if he did. 

Nausea fell over Kenma as he attempted to squeeze through the crowd to get to the wall. All he felt was out of place. The girls were wearing tight dresses and heels and the guys acted like they would jump the bones of any of the girls who spoke to them, while Kenma shrunk down into his hoodie, half-hoping he would disappear into it. 

He found the wall and pressed his face up against it. The wall felt cool against his face. It made him feel a bit better. Kenma made his way to a pair of glass doors that lead to the pool and managed to get himself through them. 

The cold air hit him like a truck, and if he could, he would’ve passed out right then and there. There weren’t as many people outside, to Kenma’s relief. The people who were obviously being felt up in the hot tub made his a little nervous, though. He found a place in the corner of the patio-like area to sit. 

And he waited. And waited. He waited an hour, but no Kuroo. Kenma felt hot all over again. The sound of his own beating heart made his sick to his stomach, and so did the lack of food. All he had eaten that day was an apple and a sandwich. What if Kuroo never came back? Kenma shook his head. 

Just go find him yourself, idiot. Kenma picked himself off up the stone pavement stiffly and began to trudge back to the glass doors hesitantly. He didn’t want to do this. 

It was hotter inside than Kenma had remembered, and there were more people than he had remembered too. He kept his back on the wall to try to keep himself from freaking out more than he already was. 

Kuroo was nowhere in sight. Kenma eyes the stairs, wondering if he could’ve gone to the second floor. The stairs were on the other side of the room. Kenma wanted to scream. 

~

Kenma couldn’t believe what he just saw. He felt sick; sicker than he had ever felt in his life. The feeling of uselessness was beginning to take over. I need to get out. The hallway was dark and fuzzy and he couldn’t find Kuroo. Where was Kuroo? He needed Kuroo. He wanted Kuroo. He wanted to leave this shitty place and be with Kuroo. 

“Hey,” a hand grasped onto Kenma’s shoulder, “You okay, man?” 

His mouth refused to open. 

“Okay, then…” the source of the voice let go. 

A bathroom… he needed a bathroom. He could feel himself shaking. What was going on? Everything was so surreal. Was any of this even happening? 

“Kenma?” Kuroo…? “Shit, shit, shit, I’m gonna off myself, this is bad.” Bastard, you left me. “Fuck… fuck me.” 

Another voice spoke. “I will.” 

“Fuck off, bitch, can’t you see I’m busy?” Dick. He felt an arm slung of his shoulder and Kuroo’s breath against his neck. “Kenma… Kenma, can you hear me? Hey, move out of the way!” The people were gonna suffocate him. His lungs burned for air, and there was nothing to satisfy the need. A door swung open. A cold breeze didn’t save him. “Could you open that for me? Thanks, man.” Another door opened, a car door? He could feel the plush back seat of Kuroo’s car against his face. The car started. “Oh, god, someone help me. I’m a horrible person. Shit… shit! Kenma didn’t even want to go, what was I thinking?” Is Kuroo crying? “I’d be better off dead.” 

“No.” Kenma’s eyes were fixated onto Kuroo. 

Kuroo’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. “Are you okay?” 

“Breathe into me.” 

“What?” 

Kenma knew he would never understand. 

“C’mon, Kenma, talk to me…” A hand shook Kenma’s shoulders. “I know I was an ass today, and I know that I drank too much today… but I need you back to normal.” Normal? “Where the hell am I going, right now?” 

Kenma’s mind was foggy. All he could think of was Kuroo. He needed to talk to Kuroo. He needed to help calm him down. That was one of the only reasons Kenma was here in the first place. 

The car stopped. The car door opened. He felt arms wrap around his torso and legs. It smelled like green. He felt the green brush against his face. 

“Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god… What am I going to do? What if someone drugged him? What is even going on right now? Kenma… Kenma I…” 

“Breathe into me, Kuroo.” More useless words. This wasn't going well. The feeling of no control made Kenma panic more. 

“No, no, no, what does that mean? Kenma…” the hands that lifted him are shaking him, “I… fuck.” 

He felt lips. The lips burned through him. The party was still encased in his mind, but the lips were taking it down with flames. And he was suffocating in them.


End file.
